I found this on Two Tears in a Bucket and just had to repost it in its entirety… too funny! I’d love to be behind the camera filming a docudrama of same…
Black Berets to be deployed in Afghanistan to convince the Taliban of the non-existence of God.
The ground war in Afghanistan heated up yesterday when the Allies revealed plans to airdrop a platoon of crack French existentialist philosophers into the country to destroy the morale of Taliban zealots by proving the non-existence of God. Elements from the feared Jean-Paul Sartre brigade, or “Black Berets”, will be parachuted into the combat zones to spread doubt, despondency and existential anomie among the enemy.
Hardened by numerous intellectual battles fought during their long occupation of Paris’s Left Bank, their first action will be to establish a number of pavement cafes at strategic points along the front lines. There they will drink coffee and talk animatedly about the absurd nature of life and man’s lonely isolation in the universe.
They will be accompanied by a number of heartbreakingly beautiful girl friends who will further spread dismay by sticking their tongues into the philosophers’ ears every five minutes and looking remote and unattainable to everyone else.
Their leader, Colonel Marc-Ange Belmondo, spoke yesterday of his confidence in their mission. Sorbonne graduate Belmondo, a tense and unshaven young man in a black pullover, gesticulated, “The Taliban are caught in a logical fallacy of the most ridiculous kind. There is no God and I can prove it. Take your tongue out of my ear.”
Marc-Ange plans to deliver an impassioned thesis on man’s nauseating freedom of action with special reference to the works of Foucault and the films of Alfred Hitchcock.
However, humanitarian agencies have been quick to condemn the operation as inhumane, pointing out that the effects of passive smoking from the Frenchmen’s endless Gitanes could wreak a terrible toll on civilians in the area.
Speculation was mounting last night that Britain may also contribute to the effort by dropping Professor Stephen Hawking into Afghanistan to propagate his non-deistic theory of the creation of the universe.
Other tactics to demonstrate the non-existence of God will include the dropping of leaflets pointing out the fact that Michael Jackson has a new album out and that Oprah Winfrey has still not retired.