Just wow. I’ve been blaming pain levels, medication side effects, emotional fallout from both, and the phase of the moon on my frustration lately.
…and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.
I started today (now yesterday) all fruminous jabbery and franxious (frazzled + anxious) and when I finally couldn’t stand the monkey poo in my head anymore I remembered that it was ok to move. Encouraged, even. The moving, not the monkey poo. I was and am tired of feeling timid about hurting some other bodypart/thing stupid, and my reluctance to breathe deeply and risk shoving my first rib into a painfully wrong space has seriously gotten in the way of killing off that timidity before it spreads to other things (like a fungus, timidity is). Continue reading
I spoke with a girlfriend this morning who I haven’t talked to in over a year, and had a good time catching up on the past year, unfun as it’s been for both of us. We used to work together at Pfizer and she has a medical background, so understood what I was telling her in my short blorp summary of 2009: “this and this and this, so then that and that in order to prevent THAT and now this and these are some of the consequences and other things that are going on out of all of this and that.” I found myself unable to articulate my primary condition and issues using the proper medical terms – situational or stress-induced aphasia I can remember and label and say – but the other things, bulging and herniated discs and osteophytes and such words as would accurately explain what I have been dealing with, simply stayed in the dark closet at the back of my brain, unwilling to come forward into the light of day.