inkgrrl's inkblog

Wow, I’ve been yammering away here for over 6 years now. Sheesh. I’d think I’d have something more interesting to say by now. Nope. All the interesting stuff is saved for real life. This is just notes to myself. Haven’t even felt ranty lately, not enough to go off about anything. Sorta angstypoof due to real life stuff, actually. My mom has cancer… she’s a week into chemo and radiation right now, and doing well so far. Another four weeks to go and then surgery for X-Mas (Happy Holidays) and I pray to the gods that all will be well and she’ll be all healed up and energetically cantankerous for many more healthy years. Oof. I had my braces put on two days before she started chemo, so I basically sat next to her and mumbled and drooled while she was getting fitted for her chemo pump, but at least she let me be with her. We haven’t always shown each other how much we care in what you might term traditional mother/daughter, warm fuzzy, or even polite ways. But we’d both kill anyone who messed with the other, without hesitation. That fucking tumor doesn’t know who it’s messing with, little bastard. There’s nothing I can kill here to make her better, nothing I can do but send white light and harass her with phone calls and maybe bake something or fuss over her a little, which she doesn’t tolerate well. Argh. Maybe she’ll get used to being fussed over while I get used to being patient. Okay, so neither of those things is gonna happen. But it was a charming moment of rose-colored glasses, don’cha think?

I’ve been angstypoof about writing as well (surprise), circling ‘twixt Scylla and Charybdis, lashed to a mast of fear in the back of my brain. There’s a scene that’s the lynchpin of all that follows, and it hurts to write. But I gotta. So I’m gonna. Even if I have to wait until NaNoWriMo starts this year to do it. But probably before then. Most everything else has been cleared from my plate – jewelry and school are both on the back burner while I concentrate on getting healthier, handling the dayjob with grace and aplomb so they keep paying me, and making space and time to write… turns out I cleared the plate just in time to be available for my mom, so that couldn’t have been better timing. Between my braces and her chemo, we’ll probably have Thanksgiving in a blender this year, which means that TGP and my stepdad will be able to bogart the pecan pie. As was probably part of their nefarious master plan all along.