RabbitBlog Rawks And Stuff

January 19, 2005 at 10:52 am (dogs, life, writing)

I love RabbitBlog. I used to love Suck, until they went away, which sucked and not in a good Suck-age kind of way. Now I love RabbitBlog in spite of and more often because of the egregious swearing for effect. Read thusly:

“We’ve all been through all kinds of bullshit. But believing in love makes love possible, and deciding that it’s impossible is fucking stupid. Getting hurt is no big deal, idiots. I’ve been hurt and hurt and hurt and hurt. Every time it’s easier. You have to keep leaping, keep throwing yourself in. Find someone who’s worthy of your crazy mind and your stupid notions and your filthy urges and your homemade waffles with blueberries on top. Fuck the flinchy and the fault-finding! Find someone who’s fun and moody and sweet, someone who knows how to listen and apologize, someone with opinions about everything, someone who can’t help but tell you how great you are, often. I know you can do it, fuckwieners. I’m counting on you.”

and (via Brutal Women, another blog I gotta rave about):

“Life is short, dippies. Today is the day to make your move. Buy some flowers, and a lottery ticket, and start to believe in the possibility that your life could be big and bright and pretty. As Frances McDormand says in “Almost Famous,” “Be bold, and mighty forces will come to your aid.” Magic, honkies! Believe in magic for once in your narrow little lives. Give up on the mundane for a minute, and open up your hearts, and listen to all the dead people in your office and on the street outside, screaming the same thing: “Live, motherfuckers! Stop planning and fucking LIVE.”

I’ve been sick since almost the New Year - first flu then pneumonia then lungs not working and needing fuckloads more asthma meds. Now I can breathe again, and focus, and stay awake without having that creeping sense of paranoia that the Earth is about to fall into the Sun just because I can’t get enough oxygen. Yay drugs. Time to fucking LIVE. Life is good.

Of creatures that remind me that life is good, Angus the Mangus (like Dennis the Menace but fuzzier) is awesome still and always. I heard him bark for the first time today. Not the “let’s play” bark we get on occasion when he’s really amped and just can’t help but sound off, but a full-throated “get the hell out of my backyard or I’m gonna eat you, you nasty flappy feathered thing” bark. I wouldn’t mess with him, based on that sound. Never mind that both his bark and his tail are bigger than the rest of him (although the rest of him is a hefty 41.5 lbs at a mere 17 weeks… we got ourselves a big dawg). I really wish he didn’t have such a passion for eating the lava rocks out of the backyard firepit, but hey, every dog’s got its quirks. The cute way he makes piggy grunts when excited to see us, or offers up a paw in preparation for assuming the belly-rub position, more than make up for the various untidinesses of tending to a critter who’s the goat of the dog world.

Of two-legged creatures who remind me that life is good, TGP is the best. He’s definitely the man to have around when one is sick and flailing - he never flinched when I coughed up half a dead frog and it splattered all over the kitchen sink, nor failed to take on full dog and dishwashing duties when I was too sick to stand up straight. He even pets my head and tells me that I’m beautiful when my face is all red and chapped and swollen because I’ve just used up half a box of kleenex mopping up the brains that have been leaking out my nose. He’s either totally delusional or the most wonderful thing that’s ever happened to me. I vote for the latter.

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Happy New Year!

January 1, 2005 at 11:07 am (life)

I was trying to post all day yesterday to wish all three of my readers Happy New Year, then finally realized this morning that the reason I couldn’t log into Blogger was that I went on a cookie-blocking binge a few weeks back as part of a campaign to keep my laptop from being overridden by junk… good intentions and all that, wot wot.

2004 was a pretty intense year on a lot of personal levels. I’m hoping that I got enough of my shit worked out physically, mentally and emotionally that I’ll make the most of 2005, not just whine about missed writing opportunities and my soul-sucking dayjob and the fact that the society we live in expects me to pay more than $100 for a nice pair of boots. However, all is not yet settled and well from 2004 - the remains of last year do not lie queiscent, neatly preserved in memory’s aspic as I would have them.

I suspect myself of having a touch of OCD from time to time, as my level of concern with getting everything on my mental list checked off before embarking on some new grand endeavor makes things fairly manic and ugly in my head. I keep trying to talk myself down from freaking out about everything I don’t have done yet… I start school at Antioch on January 3rd, and that date has become an arbitrary deadline for getting everything else in my life squared away to the best of my ability. Which means that the toilet that needs replacing in the guest bathroom should have been done by now, our O’Keefe and Merritt stove should have been repaired so we can use the oven again, my office should have new desks and books properly in their bookshelves and lots of blank notebooks and the stereo all hooked up for studying/writing mood music, the closets should be emtpy of superfluous clothing, the refrigerator should be clear of inedibles, the pantry scoured for donations and all remaining cans lined up in alphabetical order, ChristmaHanuKwanzaakah cookies baked and distributed, holiday greeting cards with our new address sent out, all books in the house organized into some semblance of order, Angus the Wonder Puppy happily walking on-leash, a dozen submissions of poetry and short stories made today before the demands of school suck my brain out of my head and my free time along with it, my car washed and detailed, my resume updated in case the perfect job running disaster relief management and writing about it comes available, my finger and toenails perfectly done, my hair cut, my ankle totally healed, and all the torn-up wrapping paper from Christmas presents that we’re not going to give to the puppy to play with after all thrown away. Somewhere in there I probably should have accomplished peace in the Middle East, provided an inexhaustible source of fresh food and water for all the tsunami victims, and completely paid off the mortgage on our new house.

Meh. Who ever really liked aspic anyway? 2004, for all its sometimes-painful intensity, was also visited with many blessings of friends near and far, family old and new, and health regained and renewed. And everything that remains on my to-do list is a result of those blessings.

How will I spend the day today and tomorrow? Doing what really matters in the moment. Hanging out with loved ones and relaxing. Enjoying the calm before the storm. I might, just might, clean the refrigerator…

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