Top O’ The… Noon To Ya
I seem to have over-celebrated St. Patty’s Day with Irish painkillers which seem not to have worked ‘cuz my head hurts… I should drink more, right?
Do me a favor, oh readers three. Some time early next March, remind me that it’s a bad idea to repeatedly headbutt a Very Large Englishman in the name of ethnic pride, just because it’s St. Patty’s Day. Also, if y’all are feeling especially warm and fuzzy, remind me that it will seem like a good idea to do this after I’ve had 7 or 8 pints, but that headbutting in general is not a good idea in the long run.
The Very Large Englishman took it well, all things considered - apparently my technique is superior to his, as I am utterly unmarked and he is bruised and sore (the fact that The Grand Poobah headbutted him much more often than I did has nothing to do with it; I take any and all credit for any carnage in my immediate vicinity - it’s one of my superpowers). Apparently Very Large Englishmen are pussies, even the ones who, back in the days of the Cold War as young infantrymen, were in the habit of waving their penises whenever remotely possible at random East German security details patrolling the opposite side of the bridge, a bridge, any bridge.
Note: the East Germans never had the opportunity to headbutt the Very Large Englishman or things might have gone differently for him.