Yet Another Conspiracy
According to The Shadow, The Onion must be staking out my house. Witness this front-page article titled “Bird Has Big Plans For Cage.”
And I quote:
HENNIKER, NH—Charlie, a Henniker-area cockatiel, announced Tuesday that he has big plans for his new stainless-steel birdcage. “Let’s see—I’m gonna hang the bell from the ceiling and put my seed trough on the right wall. And I’m finally gonna get one of those rolling perches, now that I have the room,” said Charlie between gulps of sunflower seeds. “And once I put up that full-length mirror, it’s really gonna open up this space.” Charlie said he also plans to use some of his bird toys to form a partition in the middle of the cage, creating the illusion of two separate rooms.
I totally can’t let my bird – a.k.a. Pollack, a.k.a. Shithead, a.k.a PookaToes the Fluffy Warrior of Luv – see that article or he’s gonna want a rolling perch and maybe a partition and definitely a new mirror. The bird living in his current mirror is a wimpy ‘ol biatch who he’s gotten bored with putting the smackdown on after eight years of same-old, same-old.