inkgrrl's inkblog

Jena Strong‘s post quoting Audre Lord brings me wisdom today:

“I know the anger that lies inside of me like I know the beat of my heart and the taste of my spit. It is easier to be angry than to hurt. Anger is what I do best. It is easier to be furious than to be yearning.”

And yet the easier path, this path of no resistance where I breathe anger like my cells breathe fire to live, is not the path with the least struggle.

“And true, sometimes it seems that anger alone keeps me alive; it burns with a bright and undiminished flame. Yet anger, like guilt, is an incomplete form of human knowledge. More useful than hatred, but still limited. Anger is useful to help clarify our differences, but in the long run, strength that is bred by anger alone is a blind force which cannot create the future. It can only demolish the past. Such strength does not focus upon what lies ahead, but upon what lies behind, upon what created it – hatred. And hatred is a deathwish for the hated, not a lifewish for anything else.”

I am so tired of hating my circumstances, of hating the pain and damage that wracks my body and sucks energy and time away from the more interesting pursuit of making a life, of making love, of making fun and fun of whatever tickles me.

Just wow. I’ve been blaming pain levels, medication side effects, emotional fallout from both, and the phase of the moon on my frustration lately.

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My thanks to Wishcasting Wednesdays for today’s meme

What do you wish to dare?

I wish to dare that I…

I dare to let go of the sad stories I’ve reasoned into a tightly woven shroud around my inner child, because she is me and I not we simply don’t look good in those colors. Not to mention I keep tripping over the hem when I dance. Pfft.

I dare to remember that I am the fearless laughing girl who will take anybody up on any dare anywhere, just because it’s always fun to see what happens next . Especially if there’s a cherry on top.

I dare to remember myself and be true to my gifts. I’ve kissed the friggin’ Blarney Stone! Wearing a miniskirt! Who says writing my novels to done and getting them happily published has to be painfully difficult for me? Double pfft. And ptui.